A Break

Well I know it's been awhile since I've posted but I guess I just needed a break. I'm here now, though so here is the update.

I weighed this week and I'm 245lbs... 55lbs gone and never coming back!! I've been getting very anxious again about food. I need to call the Psych and get an appointment. I know this isnt normal and it's making me choose not to eat over finding something good to eat. I guess the good out of that is that I'm not making the choice to eat anything bad for me. I suppose I could do that. It's weird because (especially in the morning) I take a few bites of food, like cottage cheese, and it feels like my throat closes up and I cant eat more than a few bites.

I have tried a few new things since being able to eat solid foods. I have eaten deli meat, cucumber salad, tomato salad (mainly the cheese from it) and some chicken. The salads were nice and wet and went down very well and certainly didn't bother my stomach. Even the couple tiny pieces of chicken I ate didnt bother me... I probably could have eaten more, but I didnt want to push it.

Water is getting easier and easier to drink everyday. Soon I hope to be able to get in my full 64 ounces or more! Things in general are getting better and better everyday, it seems. Except the anxiety about food and eating it! I'm still not getting in all my protein but I am working on it. I find that it's hard to eat in the morning so I have taken to eating from afternoon to evening. My pouch just doesn't want to cooperate in the mornings. It's not good for me to get into this habit but it's the only way I can eat right now... I tried to eat this morning and got in a few bites and was about to puke. I'm thinking about trying some hot tea in the mornings before I attempt to eat to see if that loosens up the pouch a bit. Maybe that will help with eating earlier. We'll see!

I know I'm not supposed to be eating carbs but I found that if I allow myself a little I dont want any others. I do not crave them. The only thing I allow myself to have is 2 Roasted Garlic Triscuits a day. I know, to some, that sounds unappetizing but really it's great. I put a big glob of cottage cheese on them and I just love it. You should try it!

Ya know, I find it very strange that I still FEEL 300lbs. I look in the mirror and still SEE the 300lb me. Though, I get on the scale and it stops in the 240's... it's so weird and I'm not sure how to feel about it. These emotions are all foreign and I've got to learn what to do with them and how to handle them. I mean I do see the difference in my face a bit when I look in the mirror and see it when I put on clothes that are sizes I havent worn since middle school. I dont understand how I can feel so fat but be losing and losing. I guess this is something I need to talk to the Dr about too. It's gotta be some psychological thing and maybe there is an explination for it. Some sort of identity thing maybe. Who knows!

Well thats about all the update I have for now...

A Pair of Cops

AKA 2 5 0!!!!!!

Well, I've done it... I've made it to my first goal!!! Today I hit 250lbs!!!!!!!!!! 50lbs of heavy fat gone forever!! Can you believe it??? It's hard for me to believe!!! I havent weighed anything in the 250's in 10 years (I'm sure I put that in my blog before but it's WORTH saying again!)

I'm so very excited today!! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! LoL Ok so watch out because here I come ONEderland!!!!!!!!! I'm headed for 199 and I'll be there before we all know it! :)

Well I do have to mention that today my pouch was PISSED! I have no idea why but it felt like I ate 4 tons of taco bell the night before and I was going to explode one way or the other. I felt like I was going to puke all day and I hardly ate anything - mainly because I didnt feel good. My stomach was gurgling, bubbling, growling and making all kinds of "I dont feel good" noises. I'm sure you all have been there one time or another. For those drinkers out there - I felt like I drank WAY too many beers and my stomach was F'd!

I started to feel much better later in the day when we stopped to get Jon and Kaitlyn dinner. That made it much easier to be excited about my weightloss. So now that I'm feeling better I can do my little dance and sing my little song and be happy about the 50lbs that are gone. I'm glad to see them go!! :)

Angry Little Pouch

The last couple days my pouchie-poo has been so angry! Today it hurts and I can not eat at ALL. I tried to have a couple bites of things and I get a pain like stomach ache pain. So I've been sipping my frozen bottle of water today only. I have no idea whats going on!

It looks like I might have hit the 6 week plateau... For the last week or so I have been hovering around 254-255. I HATE seeing the scale go up a pound after being down but what can I do? I guess I just gotta get out there and get more exercise, drink more water and try to get more food in me. I wish this was easier... it's so hard! These times are when people feel like giving up! I can't give up... physically... I made this decision for life and I cant change that now. I just gotta figure out a way to go on.

I know that I could be stuck here at this weight for a few weeks and I've decided to steer clear of the scale because it will only bring me down!

Well I'm hungry... but I'm off to drink my water to try to ease the pouch issues!

6 Week Post-Op Dr Visit

Well I went to the Dr today and I weighed in at 254lbs! Thats down 46 pounds from the night before surgery! YAY ME! Dr H told me he was very impressed with the amount of weight I lost since I was there a month before (30lbs). He said it was an amazing loss. I'm pretty happy with it myself!

Dr H and Kaitlyn had fun seeing each other too. He just loves her and she loves him. She flirts sooooooo bad with him!! If she were only older, they could get married and we'd have a Dr in the family... lol :) It was so cute, Kaitlyn had a little butterfly clip in her hair and while we were there and she was walking around the exam room it fell out. Dr H was SOOO adorable when he picked it up and tried putting it back in her hair!! hahahaha Gotta love that man! He's going to be so great with kids... when he gets married and has them! :) Oh and we all thought it was just hilarious when Kaitlyn dumped a half a cup of water all over the side of me, her and her stroller... at least it was puke! :)

Anyway, things have been going well... Dr H wasnt mean and didnt yell at me about my protein - I'm not getting in nearly what I need to. We talked about it and I picked up a few high protein things (Bars & Soy Nuts) since I can eat solids now. They are going to be a big help! I did pick up another type of drink to see if I could drink it and I guess we'll see how it goes... I dont think it's going to work, but at least I have the bars (15g protein) and the nuts (11grams) to eat and my cheese! I also got some Beef Jerkey which goes down well and is great too and 3 little pieces of the "Nuggets" is 10grams of protein!!! It's perfect! Things are definitely going to get easier as I can eat more solids!

Oh man! I think they were trying to kill me with the blood pressure machine! I have no idea what my blood pressure was because the machine was broken. He put it on my arm and it kept blowing up and up and up and up and it was KILLING ME! lol He did it twice before finally saying forget it! I think after that, if it would have worked, my blood pressure would have been high! Ah well, next time!

What's Going on Now??

I got up this morning and I decided to have a cup of milk... I've had lots of milk before without any problems... today my body decides to dump because of it? I feel HORRIBLE! I'm on the edge of puking and I can barely move because my stomach is so upset.

Ugh... it's always something new with this surgery!! ALWAYS!

*EDIT* OH GOOD LORD ALMIGHTY!!! Racing heart, feeling shakey, tummy cramps, gas... OY!!!! This SUCKS when I have to care for my daughter!

NO MORE MILK FOR ME!

Some Bad With the Good

Well we had my daughters birthday party on Sunday and things went well! I actually ate about 4 ham rolls and two cherry tomatoes... NO WAY, not all at once! Throughtout the day I ate them and did well with them. I was bad and had a bite of birthday cake but it was a tiny bite just to get the flavor. All in all it was a good day and even though everyone else was eating, I was so busy with Kaitlyn and the party that none of that bothered me.
Today on the other hand... I had about a 1/4 of a slice of deli turkey and about 1/2 slice of american cheese (rolled up with a little mayo) and some of it must have gotten stuck because about 2 or so hours later I had to puke it up. Not a whole lot came up but this time I actually puked up some stomach acids which I dont normally do. Kinda weird and I HATE the smell in my nose. Totally reminds me of when Kaitlyn would smell like nasty puke all the time!! The worst part is being home alone with Kaitlyn when I have to puke because she walked into the bathroom and started crying because she hates seeing me puke. Normally Jon has been here to comfort her but this time she just stood there watching mommy puke into the toilet. Poor girl.

For now I'm trying to relax my pouch... I'm drinking some water now to try to make it feel better. I'm not in the mood to do anything today now. I'm glad Kaitlyn and I took our daily walk this morning before it got hot... and before this happened!

Party Over Here

Well the last couple days have not been so bad. I've been feeling pretty well and I havent thrown up! What a bonus that is! String cheese has become a staple in my diet... though I'm getting sick of Mozzarella cheese. I got these Land O Lakes cheese snacks, they are 3/4oz slice-like things of Colby Jack so now I can alternate! Other than that, I did eat a beef stick today. It was a teriyaki flavored one and it tasted great, went down well and stayed there. The only thing was, since I was eating it while walking around shopping I did eat about a bite too much! My stomach started to hurt a little but I managed to keep it down.

So today I spent the day making food for Kaitlyn's First Birthday party. I made a deli meat and cheese tray so everyone can make sandwiches and I also made some Ham Rolls which I'm excited about trying - I used to LOVE them when I was a kid and my mom would make them at the holidays. I'm so glad I can start to eat more solid foods and try things here and there. I hope they work out. I also picked up some Turkey bacon too, so I hope I can eat that as well. I cant wait until I can eat eggs again. I'm going to try to have a LITTLE bit of scrambled eggs on Fathers Day with Jon and Kaitlyn because I am going to make him breakfast. I think what I'm going to do is cover them in either mustard or ketchup and add some cheese too. I think that may make them go down easier - I hope. I dont want them getting stuck... I sure dont like puking up eggs! Anyway, I thought I would try a few bites of egg and maybe a piece of Turkey bacon. Maybe Half... Kaitlyn can eat the other half!

Anyway... I guess that about covers my day... I will try to post again tomorrow after the party and let you know how it went! :)

Thank you for all of your support!!

Chick-ON ON ON

Well... I'm supposed to be waiting until next week to start eating solid foods, but last night I had about a 2 inch piece of chicken cut up very small - I mean VERY small and mixed in some spaghetti sauce. I did very well with it. It went down and stayed there just fine! I was happy about that! I realized that I'm going to have to have things pretty wet here at first to get it down. I did talk to some other more experienced Bypass patients and they said that as I get further out I will be able to eat just chicken. Thats a good thing too because I'm not all into having my food smothered in sauces and stuff. Just give my hubby a barrel of ketchup and he would be happy to eat any meat with it! lol :)

Last night, much later in the night, I actually ate a string cheese and ate almost all of it! Then this afternoon I had one for lunch and DID eat it all! Everything stayed down and I did well!

Anyway, I just wanted to report a good day... Oh and even better... I weighed today and I was 258lbs... I've lost 42lbs now! How exciting! I havent seen the scale say 2 5 ANYthing in over 10 years so it was pleasant! My goal is to try to get to 250lbs by the time I get to see my surgeon next week Thursday! 8lbs in a week... think I can do it?? I'm gonna try!! :)

Well I hope for another good day tomorrow... all I can do is take this one day at a time. :)

Birthday Celebrations

Well last night we took Jon out for his birthday to Chili's. I surprised him by having all of his friends meet us there, too! We had a good night, it wasnt too terrible for me because I was concentrating on Kaitlyn eating and not all the food I couldnt have. I did order a side of mashed potatoes so I had something to eat a bit of while everyone else was eating. It's not so bad going to eat and feeding K and not paying attention to all of the wonderful food around the table that I cant have!

I had a good night last night, though I am feeling a bit emotional and cryish today for some reason. I realized last week when I was feeling extremely hungry and was incredibly bitchy, it was because I was starting my period... which is coming so much sooner than normal. I was going about every month and a half or so but lately it's been about half that time. Thats fine, I understand my hormones are going whacky from losing weight so quickly but I wasnt prepared! :) Though, are we ladies EVER ready?? Wait, our men arent ready ever either! lol

Anyway, since I'm normally here complaining about how I feel or how sad I am, I thought I would write about an ok experience. I know things will get easier and I will have more and more OK experiences and then I will have more and more GREAT ones too.

On a good note, since I got addicted to weighing myself again, I weighed this morning and I was 260lbs... I've lost 40lbs in 5 weeks. I'm starting to feel better about my weight loss. It's going to be great walking into see Dr H, in a couple weeks, after losing this much! He will be so proud of me!!

1 Month Post-Op

One month ago today I had my surgery. I had Jon take new pictures of me and I have studied them and I see some of the differences but they are minimal. My neck is definitely thinner too. You can see that my shoulders and arms arent as rounded and my shirt is looking big on me now, sort of. I mean all of my shirts FIT me... or I should say I FIT in them and they are tight around me kind of. Well today I put on my shirt and actually looked at myself in the mirror... my shirt HANGS on me now! It actually comes down across my boobs and hangs down instead of riding my stomach and being fitting against my stomach. I know to some people (thinner people) that will sound so strange but to someone who is heavy or who has been, they will totally understand what I mean. I even put on the same shirt I was wearing in the first pic and it looks the same on me as this purple one so I decided to wear it instead. Anyway, here is the pic...

I actually put the weight on here from my 4 week & 1 day weight... I did weigh myself today and I was 263 so at one month post op, I weight 37 pounds lighter. Oh yeah, the pants in the picture are two sizes smaller than what I was wearing as well.

I had a good day today, we went to KFC and I had some mashed taters with Kaitlyn... well she had grilled chicken, green beans and a few bites of mashed potatos but we still shared our food and it was great getting out and eating something. I REALLY wanted a Honey BBQ Chicken sandwich or some Boneless Honey BBQ wings... but for now the mashed potatos will do! :)